True Story

Zryuu: I found this real life story on a tieba and it tugged at my heartstrings ;__; very rough translation that I had originally uploaded onto discord but decided that I might as well share it on my wordpress too

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Disclaimer: I wasn’t born (gay), I liked only him.

I’ll call him Mister for convenience. Mister and I were friends, we were classmates for three years.

I don’t know when I started liking him, but when I found out, it was too late.

In my third year of junior high, my results weren’t that good. Our high school is split into three levels; he can get into the best one, while I’d fall straight into the worst one if I was just slightly careless.

I remember this one day: I laid on the table and faced him sideways, complaining that I couldn’t do it, I can’t fucking study anymore.

It was very noisy in the classroom. The teacher kept talking about a few major questions that would definitely be tested. Mister propped his head on one hand as he took notes.

He heard what I said and looked down at me.

Just when I thought he would ruthlessly mock me as usual, he suddenly laid on the table as well and faced me sideways.

Between our faces was Mister’s notes. He randomly flipped to the first blank page and started calculating by himself; it became a dense mass of random, messy numbers.

A long while passed, I thought he was ignoring me, yet he used a pen to poke me and pointed at the last number to say, see, you can get in ma (this is referring to the second best high school). With just a few more points of improvement in English, it would be okay…

We talked a lot, and I can’t remember much anymore. But at that moment, I thought that I might have understood a little that I had some unspeakable feelings for Mister.

My heart was beating away like crazy after all…

But a different type of ‘feelings’ made people feel terrified. Amidst the heavy uneasiness, I chose to fool myself, and comfort myself that I had just mistaken feelings of friendship for love

Hmm I’m actually someone who’s quite insecure. Sometimes, I’ll even get so unnatural while walking along the streets that I’ll walk with the same hand and leg (omg idk how to phrase this, like that awkward right hand right leg movement)

Mister is like someone who knows how to do everything. There was once when a bunch of us went far away to play; we weren’t familiar with the area, so I got lost. He brought me along to ask for directions. While turning left and right, we did have quite a good time. Yet when we were about to return, I became wilful.

On a very straight road, there will be bus stops at every interval, and every stop had the bus we needed to take to get home. At that time, when we alighted at one of the stops to transfer to the next bus, the bus we needed to get home never came.

It was quite a desolated place, so there wasn’t even a single cab. I couldn’t wait any longer, so I didn’t listen to the rest who tried to stop me and walked along the road towards the next stop. Mister just tossed me a meaningful glance and didn’t say anything.

I walked along the road that seemed endless and slowly left their line of sight. I suddenly started to panic and didn’t know where to place my hands.

I regretted it then, yet I didn’t return because it would have been too embarrassing. The bus came and stopped at the bus stop in front that was just inches away. I quickly ran over, and after I boarded the bus, I searched for Mister. I finally found him on one of the seats at the last row. My friends quipped that I actually managed to catch up. They had all wanted to alight to look for me, since everyone knew I had a terrible sense of direction. Mister just glanced at me still and didn’t say a word.

After that, a friend told me that after Mister boarded the bus, he always stood right at the front so that it would be convenient for him to ask the driver to stop the bus for a while and wait for me to catch up. But at that time, Mister saw that I had almost arrived at the stop through the window, so he found a seat the back.

Now that I think about it, how fearful was I then? I didn’t even dare to face the fact that I liked him, and didn’t even dare to openly admit that I had felt a little moved. I just kept comforting myself that he treated me so well because of our friendship, and what I felt for him was just feelings for a friend as well

My feelings for Mister weren’t built up in a a day — it was the result of many little things that added up together over time before I finally realised that I couldn’t go back anymore.

I won’t talk about anything complicated here and get straight into the main point

The cause was probably a joke.

At that time, we were having our self-revision period. I had nothing better to do so I teased Mister, but it went a little over the line this time.

I smiled and said that I liked him

We would often joke around like this, and Mister just casually replied, ‘oh, is it’

At that time I don’t really remember what I was thinking about, but I just felt unresigned and promised to write him a love letter. I had intended to disgust him. Mister was already used to my pranks and just smiled, expressing that he really looked forward to it

Still lost my mind in the end.
Three full pages for a love letter. At the start, I used all the disgusting phrases I had learned throughout my life — what ‘dear’, ‘I’ll love you forever’ had all been written, and even I got goosebumps all over as well.

Gradually, the words began to take on a different meaning
I began recalling his good points, when I felt moved, as well as his every action

Mister’s expression changed. Even his smile seemed a little awkward, yet he tried his best to conceal it and displayed a teasing expression. “Eh~ I couldn’t tell that you’re quite talented at writing love letters ma”
Yet I righteously declared, “I really like you, I’m not joking”
He paused, with doubt still evident on his face. He just looked at me quietly.
I was probably afraid that he wouldn’t believe me, so I repeated softly, “It’s true, please believe me”

Mister didn’t look at me, and I didn’t dare look at Mister.
After a moment, Mister’s voice softly drifted over “Un, I believe you. And then?”
I was stunned. That’s true, and then? I never thought of being together with Mister. This was wrong in the first place, feelings that shouldn’t exist

I would like to especially proclaim here that my relationship with Mister, purely from a friendship POV, is extremely extremely tight. We would leave our houses in the middle of the night to go out and have fun, we would do homework for each other, and we’d do anything for each other. And one more very important point: we happened to have the same interests as well. Mister was a fudanshi, and he led me astray as well and I turned into the fudanshi too. That was when we just started getting to know each other

I was originally straight as hell, and would even feel disgusted when seeing homosexuals. But because Mister was such a fudan, and I came into contact with a lot of danmeis, I didn’t discriminate against it as much anymore